today was the day i found out that my friend had died of a freak accident in the MINDEF Army @ SG. I'm sorry about the emo post, but i just had to post this up.
my condolences to lummy - i'm sorry that your grand-dad had passed away.
And this is for you nicholas and lummy's grand-dad - this is the beginning and this is the ending. this is a promise, and it has been a fulfilled. you've lived your life as a great officer and will continue to be in everyone's hearts, in mind as well. death was a promise, but you were one of god's greatest gifts, and we thank him for bringing you to us.
i hope you're at a better place now and that you'll be peaceful and happy forever always.
Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die. - Mary E Frye
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
- Psalm 23:1-6
C. flew @ 9:58 PM
Saturday, July 04, 2009
moments.
along the corridors where silence is so defeaning you can actually feel it send shivers to your spine. and as footsteps echo you wonder what will you find, how will you feel, what will you do.
but nobody tells you what to do that instant, don't think anyone can describe that deep aching agony in your heart when what you see is a picture of painful pride, and most saddeningly, defeat and the lost of faith in surviving.
there is nothing that can be done, and one once told me 'don't linger over what you cannot change, and what can't be undone'
so the mind does its own playback, where the grandfather comes home every holiday to tell exciting, frightful stories during the Japanese occupation, how he wed grandmama, how different life was and how grand the life is that we live in today. and then the tears come when the heart recalls moments of loud laughter and loving smiles, of peace and serenity between own blood, how the sheets are thrown early in the morning in anticipation for the day's activities. the one time the decision to walk from home to Subang Parade left everyone sweaty and laughing. when a miscalculated step cause a flesh wound to be bandaged by his tshirt.
and how it pains me to remember the times his strong hand held mine firmly to keep me running around in circles.
and it has come to this that his face is no longer the same, lifeless, without speech and teary eyes that cries for plea to stop his pain. another second, another look would pierce my heart like it does everytime i take that second chance. how much the need is there to say im sorry i wished i came home when you were strong, and i do miss you. how do i tell him that i miss the days when he was there in my childhood years.
how can i erase this painful guilt, the sinful memory of not doing what i could have done. and i stand at the side taking deep breaths, holding back tears that threaten to weaken his resolve to keep fighting.
there is nothing to be done, but wait. i want him to stay, but i can't bear to wait yet i know he needs to leave.
i owe him that much to stop doing to myself what he did to himself.
i cry, but the time is coming.
wye lum flew @ 10:38 PM
spur
today was uneasy. my head had been whirling with events all over the place. was i dreaming or just plain whimsy. i was waiting, then i lost her and i found her. i stood everyone up at dimsum. i wanted to hurl but i did not. i was thinking but definitely not enough. i felt guilt pangs. they told me not to be so hard on myself. and i am searching for that statement that someone is going to tell me it is really okay so i can let me let it go.
i want to know yet i'm afraid to know because deep down i know that truths don't change. we just get better at lying to ourselves.
my conscience is screaming at me with all sort of languages.
and i'm looking for a hole i can crawl into, keel over and die.
i either live by my mistakes or redeem them.
but i like how i made you smell like fruit.
june flew @ 8:33 PM
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
quickies
after karaokee
whoring during packing up
then we went to shop at peter alexander
old school theatre
coco avant chanel - a very inspiring movie in french, bibliography of chanel, super loved it.
champagne, ena and justin
old melbourne gaol - very interestinggg
court hearing play of Ned Kelly
an all australian cast
locked up and they actually switched off the lights!
trying to act all psychotic-ish
convict #1
convict #2
at first ..
and then ..
tadaaa
june flew @ 12:03 PM
Monday, June 29, 2009
Ena at Kangaroo Land
june flew @ 12:48 PM
The movie everyone has been raving about
Transformers 2 was a mediocre.
There was:
1. Way too much explosions going on - do not appreciate eiffel tower or the skyscrapers of Paris getting trashed. Had enough of it at hour 2 out of 3 hours.
2. I vouch that Megan Fox is not a transvestite for all people who are jealous and suspicious. There is no Adam's apple even if you insist on one. She just looked really greasy throughout the whole movie, maybe it's suppose to have this sexy shiny glow but was just oily to me. And all she did was run around which at some points, I thought her sluggish movements were hindering their 'escape'.
3. The whole time was spent to get Optimus Prime back alive and the 'big bad battle' I was anticipating with the big bad boss, Decepticon was only 5 minutes. And if he is so great, how did the smaller bots kill Optimus Prime in the first place?
4. And the whole teleporting to Egypt. Tsk, I can only deem the scriptwriter's surprise, an incoherent flow of story line. In the first place isn't the old bot suppose to be a bad guy, then why did he start telling them the secret history legacy of the bots.
5. Jokes were, OK. Had a good laugh, but filled with too much angst and yelling at each other.
6. Too little transformation in 3 hours, I thought the best part for boys is to watch the art of their transformation. So cute how transformers can make big boys feel like a little boy all over again.
Concluding that the 3 hours didn't impact me in any significant way in my life.
A Harry Potter fan.
(Say No to Narnia)
june flew @ 12:00 PM
Sunday, June 21, 2009
my old biscuit
my big boss, mr. lee has the austere of a classic china-man.
his wrinkles bear the brunt of the multitude hardships and sacrifices he has endured in his life, to give the family everything that we have today. even the glowing lights in my room, right now in melbourne, do you think its free? and sometimes, he can even make me feel as if i was strip naked, i would have nothing without him. technically, i don't materially own anything, because everything was his to begin with. and it is only my luck to be a recipient of it all.
daddy's daily regime has been welll built over the years of obedience. he wakes about 9am each morning, read the papers, has his well-planned nutritious, full-of-fibre breakfast (or else he mega-grumbles like a kid) with a cup of thick black coffee that would effortlessly lead to his whole purpose - nature's calling (taking a dump in toilet). with a nice warm shower, he is off to work. who goes to office at 11am right?
his whole wardrobe is the same. but he claims it isnt. something about a difference between white and very pale pink. and he has this very cute habit of carrying a handkerchief in his pocket, but he doesn't let me use them. dirty, he say. am i dirty or handkerchief dirty?
and he doesn't panic. maybe cause mommy never fails to panic for him. and sometimes i like that, at least somebody's watching his back. and he isn't alone in his endeavours.
they say he was a casanova in his younger days, chased by a herd of women with his fair skin, charming smile and boyish swagger. and then he shot his killer look at mommy. the rest, is history. destroyed, she jokes.
he is is like a purposeful handyman, sometimes i think he has it all figured out. he can fix anything and everything that annoys us: mosquitoes, toilet pumps, falling fence, dog house, car engine leak (i think so), change light bulbs, fix pipes, roof thing, astro not working, kitchen gas thing, fish tank oxygen insertion etc. i really think he likes to feel that he can fix all things.
he can get superstitious at times.
"cannot use this door"
"why? but a door is meant to be used! "
" the luck will go in through the other door, then if you open this door, the luck will go out of this door "
"(my flabbergasted face)"
a man of very little words, he has frequently been a lot of guess work to me, which can get stressful and scary. what would i say which is going to make him go mad? what should i be doing to make him proud? is he disappointed at me? he is not saying anything? do you know how difficult it is to read a person right via his body language and stern front.
i once asked, pa how come you never tell me what you do and about your days, like how are you and your business. he looked taken aback, then he just brought me to eat burger king. somehow he thinks my favourite food is burger, why? do i look like a burger?
all these trivial detail disinterests him and he has his priorities elsewhere. maybe he thinks he would bore me or i wouldn't like him deep down. or maybe i'm his youngest, a daughter and he doesn't know how to open up. maybe he is better at man-to-man and not heart-to-heart.
he is too cool to even pick up the house phone.
"that is something for the maid or secretary to do."
some days i couldn't find the strength to see through him and forgive him or respect him when mommy is upset.
i like it best when he is weak, to see his softer emotional side, that he is only human and alive. i can vaguely remember times like these, but i can never forget the way i feel about it. that some days, i just want to give him a hug and tell him not to try so hard to be superman, that we do know that he is trying his best, that it can be tiring and struggling. even if you can't hold the fort up, the family is there and won't abandon you. everything in the world is enough, everyone is alive, we have food, let us all just be happy together for a moment.
then he might seriously just look at me and say
" talk ah where is the money? "
" 4 tze fa ta, tow nau jian dan " (simple minded thinking of the richess)
the rest of him, is a mystery even to me.
i grew up thinking most men were like him, he was the mold to the ideas i would have. that if they weren't acting like daddy, they would be acting just wrong. and they say most daughters want to marry their daddy's - i'm extremely apprehensive about that. his superego has this inherent arrogance that screams, big boys play big games, no time for little girls tea-party. cannot even play with me? he is too crisp for affection.
perhaps his love spoilt me, perhaps his ignorance led me to rebel and go astray.
" cc is for emergency okay june don't lose direction "
" giving birth to a charsiew pao also better than you "
i don't think he has ever realized how influential or how much he has mattered to me in my life even in the sublety of my approach and decisions. i try to take his better characteristics and make it me but unfortunately, some lousy ways are already stuck on.
so today, i want to wish my old biscuit (lou pang), happy fathers day.
june loves you.
ps. i need a desperate cure for spiteful people who can't seem to stand my overwhelming happiness. at first i was disturbed but i figured he/she here is probably way more disturbed by me than i am by him/her.
june flew @ 12:05 PM
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Lummy's Skype Adventure.
June: wey
Wye hey omg we're fb-ing
June hehe are you on yr new laptop
Wye i have skype hahaha can we try to skype? eh lets skypee! i havent tried it yet
June lame
Wye you're my only chance
June hahahaha on la add me
Wye how howww
June funny girl somemore excited that got SKYPE wey what era you inn
Wye i can't find u ler
Wye found me already or notttt
June FIND ME omg i'm the first person u gonna talk to on skype hehe pioneer pioneer
Wye still searching HAHA WHY IM NOT THAT BAD eh dunno why, it keeps on saying they can't find ur contact eh dunno why, it keeps on saying they can't find ur contact
June gimme yr email
Wye i think it ios xx@gmail.com hahaa if not it is xx@hotmail.com
June omg noob DOU SEI
Wye gimme a BREAK LAAA
June ADD ME xx@gmail.com i find myself also got nigga ARE U ON SKYPE
Wye i AM LA i have an account laaaa
June HAHA what is yr skype NAME
Wye my email confirm is xx@hotmail.com skype name is xx
June mine confirm plus chop xx@gmail.com u disconnect then connect again i give u chance
when she called me i just started speaking in my broken, out-of-tune cantonese to scare her into thinking that she got the wrong person!
Christine L so u can hear me talk or not wan my name is Christine L hahahaha you can call me by my skype nickname CL
june contain yr excitement are u on 56k dial up
its at rare times like this that she's at a noobier position than i am and imma not gonna let her live it down hehe take advantage.
miss you lummy xx
ngaihou with missy, thankyouu :)
june flew @ 2:09 AM
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
delicate intricacy
it only strikes when sleep is hostile towards lethargy, that the mind drifts carelessly.
in a search, in a daze, without boundaries. even fearless, begging to tell a neglected tale.
convincing to embed all the delicate intricacies, it caresses and lingers with the sound of the purring night. daring the audacious to reach out and roam. even the trees are listening intently, swaying their shades. but ever consciously, never withdrawn, it persists, it wants to prance. as if there was a parade with everything to impress. i turn and smile, perhaps it won't know. you laugh, for you only know too well.
there is never a way to envelop the simplicity of such completeness.
is there?
you wonder, and it impels you. you stumble, and it holds you. you peek and it eludes you.
delirious.
underneath every feeling: happiness, hope, fear, joy, excitement, anxiety, glory, distress, it creeps up to prompt with a lifeline. like a fundamental secret, like a reflective parable.
always there, resting for a time before now and then.
perplexing.
you asked me how did i let it slip away,
and i just shrugged you off, like i always did.
" shall we twirl under the moonlight, to the bebop in our hearts. "
june flew @ 12:12 AM
Sunday, June 14, 2009
A little bit of posting.
My Internet is back up! (and no more stealing from my neighbour hehee, who left his wifi unsecured) I can't go online at my office anymore because i switched places with my new colleague and gahh, im internet-less!
I don't know what the hell was i doing in those pictures, but be rest assured i was very unaware of my surroundings and i actually do take nicer pictures. haha! And FYI jlcj, everytime we take pictures you always look different! shows just how seasonal u can be. and before u start on me, no its not a bad thing hahaaa. its an overdue post, but happy belated bday loveee! and pls people still drink drank drunk okay, just not you. for this year. lol! come back to malaysia goddamit! tickets are so cheap im not even laughing you'll probably let go of the love and fly to london!
(i hope your faith in my love has been restored thou, :D)
on another note.
this year has been such a change for me, in so many ways that i have yet to absorb it all. Over these months i have come to discover myself in different ways over and over again, and the cycle is making me feel like there is no end, no conclusion, nothing but a continuous road ahead. Now that this chapter in my life is coming to and end, i have no regrets at all about my decision to do this because i know now that it was a sacrifice worth making. I have learnt so much in such a short time, at times it makes me feel that im ready for the world.
I have been very absorbed in this part of my life that i have made no time for other things in life, it makes me wonder if this is just a beginning to what is in store for me in the future. Getting to know myself in how my mind works in times of frustration and pressure keeps me pumped up, keeps me going. I have always been one to do something until its done, move on get something else done, move on and continue onto this direction for as long as I can.
I've changed so much as a person, as a friend and as the other half. At times I wonder if these changes will affect my relationship with the people i love, and at times I get a little scared that I'm doing the wrong things for both myself and for them. At these times i try to slow down and breathe a little more, and backtrack once in a while to remind and reconsole myself.
Looking back I think the best times in my life when I was still in my bubble, careless, carefree and unaware of what the real world brings. Times where laughter was real, smiles were genuine, where hurt, grief and anger did not exist. But i have learnt that people lie for their happiness, people steal and kill for their survival, people cheat for their own gain and most of all people deny themselves the honesty, faith and belief that the world is NOT perfect, and they would have to strive harder to see that come true.
Today is one of those days that i look back, and recall a friend that I have lost because she failed to understand the foundation of friendship; truth and plain honesty. It is her birthday today and i cannot help but smile at the good memories that we had when we were much younger, very much ignorant and unaware of the reality of life. But i also understand that there is a limit to everything, and when u have reached that limit it also a point in life where we live, learn and move on. It is also at these times that I learn how to better forgive and forget.
I have been doing charity/volunteer work for quite some time now, feel free to browse through and lend a helping hand. I am currently searching to involve myself in a public/govt organisation which will allow me to better adress important issues, whether of society or anything for public awareness. I usually don't take pictures when volunteering, inconvenient and troublesome to carry and hold it around while im getting things done. So I will make use of Google here :)
Do We Humans Not Value ALL living Beings?
A lot of pictures published do not even come close to describing the condition the dogs are abandoned to live in. If we human beings can choose to abandoned more then 400 over dogs to an island without food, water, without any hope for survival, how humane can we be? This is much more then animal mistreatment, or animal abuse. What is the difference between child abuse, police abuse, sexual miscondust AND the above? The difference is that we LIVE, survive and we move on. But dogs can't.
And on another note, i can't help but recall that there is always some sort of issue with our dressing code, public conduct (referring to couples holding hands), etc etc etc etc.
These is very trivial to many other news that im following up on. I have lost my interest in the falling of dollar rates, the rollercoaster ride of the economy not to mention the bang bang boom of political issues, whether national or worldwise. Although I have to say that the Su Kyi case is pretty much . . .
Have a good weekend everyone :)
wye lum flew @ 1:49 PM
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Rrrrandoms.
our cirque du soleil show
ena swapping the mosquitoes away by doing a jumping dance
think she wanted to take a shit there but i yelled at her
whata good girl
her turn to chaueffer
the ex-kl room
wasted
insaaaane
khei :)
damn la la seriously i looked like a freaking dvd seller
hheehe i anticipate some reaction here - check lummy out
bombed
stenciled
chloetryon
this is venneline - they gave her the wrong P license, super funny. vahemi? clarise? alexander?
swen at chillis
camera #1 that i lost - the worse part is losing all the captured moments!
do you think i can still have pink streaks when i go for a job interview?
my most prized possession in the whole wide world, most most most prized.
its just got a tad worse, i'm now browsing old pictures in the external hard drive. look at that, i look like i've gone through plastic surgery a dozen of times.
and this is going to be the first winter break that i won't be going back to kl. everyone is counting down to the days of their return back, singaporeans dreading the quarantine procedures, malaysians laughing at the cheap tickets.
June 12 (Bloomberg) -- The first flu pandemic in four decades is sweeping across the globe and people in Melbourne, one of the hardest-hit cities, have one thing to say: So what.
“It’s the flu, it comes and goes,” said Gavin Dufty, 46, a social researcher in Australia’s second-largest city. “This one just happens to have a different name.” Locals “are taking it in their stride. It doesn’t seem that severe.”
then again, singapore is so small. if one fella gets it, the whole country might have to be contained.
i'm losing track of time, of whether it is morning or night because as long as it is time it is precious to me. i'm taking my breaks by reading some online news, blogging and eating my instant oats.
feeling darn insomniac and worked up. but exams are exams, its my own race for my own grades. furthermore, the next thing i hate in life are regrets.
i feel like baking to de-stress. that eagerness to concentrate on perfecting a creation.
for a moment, i had ran out of reasons to forgive. but for all times, i knew it was worth every bit of the pain. for there are some things you just know you cannot live without. i'll stop running, i'll take a stroll in your stride.
june flew @ 11:17 PM
Friday, June 12, 2009
friday night + finals = :(
i just had to take this - look at that air asia advertisement. its a total con job. rm299 - my god globalisation is spreading like a virus. i hear some people going back to kl for their parents' birthday just for the weekend cause its too cheap. oh, my point was that melbourne doens't snow. it does at mount buller which is 5 hours away from melbourne!
blackmores memory support for brain power and concentration. its like popeye's spinach. does this even work? its okay, even if i don't believe in ginkgoforte, i believe in placebos. desperate times call for desperate measures. in case you're wondering why its inverted, i took it on photobooth.
interesting - the haze is back in klang/kl. whats wrong with people? why do they burn things that way and affect people in other countries? why do they do it annually? the best question is: why are they allowed to do it in the first place? wtf is the government doing. damn dumb and irresponsible, can i sue them for ruining my family's health?
btw,
even when my brain doesn't want to acknowledge that it is friday night,
my physical movements are inspired towards it. i'm doing anything and everything but studying, even the things that i never ever do. from doing the laundry, cleaning the room (vaccuum too!), tidying the bed, shining my macbook, painting my nails (finally got to try the baby pink anna sui polish i bought last year), putting extra moisture face mask from the face shop that ena bought me at sg, reading irrelevant funny articles (i like witty/insightful comments/ideas by good journalists), browsing for news, re-reading obama's audacity of hope, going on FB (honestly its embarassing but i don't think i know how to fully utilize it with the games, poker, buy-a-friend etc), checking twitter out (wth it doesn't allow mobile updates at australia), youtube-ing to checking out cheap airtickets to wherever.
too guilty to go out and have fun yet too buzzed to study but don't want to fail. contradiction is a painful lie and procrastination is a time bomb. i hate spamming last minute to fit everything in the brain. i want to learn something that i can build on, grow in and use for the rest of my life. pappy calls it "tooling".
i really like this song. i'm gonna give james morrison a +.
+ is not a star.
remember its fathers day next weekend + reagan's birthday. why do we have such a big age gap? 28 and 32 years older brothers, maybe i was an accident.
"the okay whatever since we can afford this one"
i always felt like they got tired of raising another kid when they've passed the urge-to-be-a-good-parent phase. i'm like their
"just give her everything she wants so she is happy cause we don't have time for this"
which obviously works for me, spoilt rotten was fun, very fun. but so unfair. and i found it over the years, that it was alot harder to learn independence, to learn the norms, to give, to share, to accept, to change and i demanded alot more answers for alot more questions to simple things. because, i just didn't get it, i didn't want to get it. and i yearned for that little attention by rebelling. hardcore. all i can say was that they loved me in their own way, even though it wasn't the way i would have preferred. imma gonna make daddy proud.
today, i feel like the world has shifted, is shifting and will always be shifting.
and i kinda like chasing it.
i just hope i get better at flowing with it.
how does it feel like to live on borrowed time?
meet me halfway.
PAPER #2 INTERNATIONAL FINANCE, TUESDAY 16 JUNE 9.30AM
PAPER #3 CORPORATE FINANCE, THURSDAY 18 JUNE 9.30AM
june flew @ 7:43 PM
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
investments - the paper
i just got back from ryl's birthday dinner at stalactites. i had alot of fun choosing a cake for her and that little mental chat i had with myself.
"should i get this one or that one" "no but that one is nicer" "but wait, she likes chocolate cakes" "but i want that strawberry mousse, its so preeety" "okay, june, focus focus, the cake is for her and not you so you gotta pick something she likes and not you" "hm, i think better call someone up on this kind of decisions"
i let myself entertain on this sort of simple decisions for awhile. it isn't often that i get to do it because i stop when it gets really naggy and unnecessary.
anyways,
today's paper was really really hard.
at first, i entered the hall, freezing cold because of the morning rain, but felt extremely invincible and prepared after my shower. invincible.
15 minutes reading time - right about minute 5, browsing god knows how many pages (was like 50 pages or something), i was so tempted to give it all up. all that i had done for the past 12 weeks to prepare for this final exam, that would mean the world to me because this would be my last chance of getting more h1 in the transcript. i was looking for so many excuses, attributing it to the weather, the timing, no breakfast, the reading material, the new lecturer from columbia, the notes, GRR.
my fingers were numb from the cold and my brain was just frozen. i just wanted to run home and crawl back into bed with the heater full blast, pretending there was no exam. or maybe i could just faint and maybe they'd think its severe swine flu and evacuate the hall. woo maybe i'll appear on the papers "Silly Malaysian Sham Faint in REB".
whatever. i didn't do any of it.
where did i build the hell did i build up on the expectation and get all that confidence that it would be easy? absolutely diminished my invincible stance, removed it and replaced with total idiot.
the minute all the papers were collected, i was waiting for any other persons inner frantic crys to come aloud on how difficult the paper was, comparing answers, going over the questions in their head. but, nil. they were all steady. i repeat, steady. and i remembered this lecturer telling us, if the paper was hard, don't worry, look around you and if everyone was fussing, everythings gonna be okay. but if everyone else thought it was easy, PANICK! i thought that was funny and not funny at the same time.
come on, the questions weren't even relevant enough for me to see the connection to the subject. am i just plain stupid?
1. i usually read the question, interpret it with my own ideas and write with the flow. if 1. fails, go to
2. re-read question slowly, carefully and think about what the examiners are trying to examine here, applicability of materials
3. if 1. and 2. fails (method 3. is not implementable if you have time constraint), information dump. (see one keyword and write lengthy rubbish on all you know about it). don't really condone on this method because it doesn't assure anything or prove much.
i don't think i take disappointments very well.
june flew @ 10:43 PM
Sunday, June 07, 2009
june loves life
hardware lane
<3
my peter alexander fetish - imma gonna franchise it back to kl one day. home slippers, eye mask, that's a bonds breast cancer campaign socks from big w. i don't mind buying all the breast cancer campaign stuff, cause their all pink. (i insist liking pink is not superficial)
miso cod fish at nobu, one word, orgasmic.
he approves me to post this pic ahem "more him" apparently
hope i get to tastee the london one this sept :)
GUESS WHAT CAME IN THE POST
this muh favouurite part - he remembers me telling him that i think it is meaningless to communicate virtually.
june: i wanna call swen, i miss her! why she never wishh me? *phone rings but no one picks* why swen never pick up e phone? okay okay nevermind we whore with my new camera! lance (so he calls himself): huh?! june: *snaps before he responds* [apparently she texted me at Vietnam but no lineee?]
weee - the very kind aunty's husband. i befriended aunty at the new place i live in, she cooks for the full board students. bt she always cuts my watermelon and honeydews for me cause i don't look very pro at it. we just chat and laughed too mch. so nice, some ppl just come into your life and at certain points bring so mch happiness. went to Box Hill today to spend some time with the old couple and their friends, was kinda reluctant cause i was efficient in the library. but i promised so, traditional way on the train to the suburbs with my notes hand in hand.
i'm so tired, but it was all worth it. that warm fuzzy feeling in the heart to just give a little time, attention, affection and effort to make someone happy. and live in the eyes of another. would love to blog more but i just came online to confirm accommodation for the family in august at 2 bedroom milano serviced apartments.
it's getting cold here. i wish i could frolick naked and get bbq too (funny C's comment about uk's summer).
1. don't forget to drink more h20, eat more veg and fibre 2. take your vitamins (calcium and fishoil please) 3. sleep early (try one am) 4. take it easy k, breathe in and out at constant pace when frown emerges (bad wrinkles, we want to age in sophistication see)
i just noticed the maternal side of me.
PAPER #1 - INVESTMENTS 9.30AM WEDNESDAY 10 JUNE 2009
+ ryl's auspicious 21st birthday
june flew @ 10:57 PM
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
a birthday high.
look at 'em sweep the cake cleaan
buddy says "i'm hot and pimpingg e chicss"
gimme gimme
june: i wanna put, i wanna put *pushes darrell away* darrell: wait, must use that thing or else cannot stand one june: ahh i show youu
ryl bitess
cheerss ~
nice right, nice right
boodie & tracie - quite nice right for a label name
white chocolate black forest cake from brunetti ~ thankyouu ryl
lunch #3 - felix laughed at my noobed digital camera cause i keep toying it like a DSLR
latte and garlic bread
toh's beemer 3 series~ my ride to dinner #2
ray on my overexposed ISO setting - trying to learn camera talk
comes with a selphy printer ~ i can now print lotsa pics and finish up the scrapbook i made at melbourne
merry christmas to me, this like the 3rd camera in one year. if i lose it again, i swear i'm not getting another one. super psyched to bling it up when ena comes in july with e stuff. too bad grace can't do it for me anymore ~ her handywork was really nice on my mobile.
the desktop needs aloot of cleaning up
FB birthday wishes ~ thank youuu. i'm really moved because i never realized how connected everyone was onto FB. i try to limit my time on it because i'm sure if i started clicking, i would just get addictedd. but i've still always preferred a more personal experience with people rather than digitally. imagine "its me and my macjuney (macbook), against the world" syndrome, it brings down a sense of closeness in community and society!
prick to get the haemogoblin count
this was funny - they had questions like, have you in the last 12 months had male-to-male intercourse. like duh, i did.
lin, june and ryl
hehehehe they look constipatedly cuteee
darrell sneezing onto ryl's garlic prawns
buddy tang and his scrumptious mussels ~ mmm mmm
i went for a brazilian, bought a pink canon digital camera (was so tempted to get the leica one), tried donating blood (they pricked me and concluded that my veins were too small?!), i was so excitedd whilst waiting for my turn, thinking of all the things they could do with my blood: transfusions, transplants, anaemic, accidents (woo hoo save lives). as i was starting to get doubtful like what if they used it as flooding props in Saw 5, Kill Bill 10 or whatever gory movie, the lousy nurse simply pricked me hmph. and worse, wouldn't dare to prick me again on the other arm. seriously, whats a girl gotta do to donate blood.
got picked up by this really old man at elizabeth street when i getting a quick bite from browsing all the camera stores. i mean he tried. can't believe it really happens. then again, it makes perfect sense because i'm a woman (check this out, no longer girl) and there are lonely people out there looking for a companion (would like to use the word hamsap, but insufficient information to argue so). when i was a girl, it was probably too peudophile for it to be happening (i make it sound like i just went through puberty). i think its the new dye, i look so PRC and needy of a sugah daddy. come on, he wanted to buy me coffee and a camera.
missy is with ven and ngaihou at the moment, i've decided to take her wherever i'm going to go after graduation. as in wherever i go. i don't even know what to say, definitely many thanks. but what about to the people who should be responsible for her wellbeing. she's bald, underfed, wounded, stitched up and unloved. my heart bleeds and it is gripping pain. how can anyone do that and live with it? my beloved family's obsession with hong. ugh what do you do when you're superbly upset but you know damn well that its all worth understanding and forgiving. but but but why under the expense of missy? just cause she's a dog? a man's best companion? i feel so wrong being unable to cherish her. why seriously why can't we hire nicer maids who love dogs? and why am i pointing fingers at others for my own responsibilities.
i love hong AND missy! both! simultaneously! forever!
cile called from US, i miss her so so much. it would be 2 years since i last saw her and she's going to spain on the 12th, travel europe then back to kl for 3 weeks in august. had plans to join her at the beginning of the year, but i'm close to making up my mind to just loitering around melbourne in july. and i just got off the phone with lummy, i was just ranting so much about everything and anything i think she dozed off tee hee, long extended updates always seem to perk me up. everyone is so busy with their own thing these days it gets easier and easier to lose touch with ppl who matter effortlessly. see, so we share a blog to stay in each other's lives.
today, i'm on the extreme side of things. i am so happy even with the heart pangs. i wanna sob uncontrollably yet hear my laughter momentarily at the same time. i'm so reluctant to sleep tonight because today will be gone and i don't want to leave it all behind. everything has been so nice and the next place i expect to go to would need to at least match up or be better. and the disappointments can be very difficult to take. here, am i expecting too much?
few years ago, today was probably one of the happiest day in my life. and incredulously, today, even after searching high and low, trying to fill up the hole and gap with all the experiences i could ever have, i am admitting (right on your very prediction, at about the right time) that nothing will beat that feeling. even after a journey this far, this long road, how much have i gained and lost. did i get better at opening or closing my heart up. do i know and understand better. have i put my fears behind me. did i get better at giving and loving. did i try hard enough. how many of a times have i let it pass me by, causing enough grief to feed me by.
the lesson that i have denied ever learning - all good things come to an end.
i have this constant sense of perception, that in me, the end never really ends, it can only get better. i no longer drew lines for boundaries because i no longer took part, only observing and immersing in others. where would it take me. and that if faith took us this far, all it can only do is to take us even further.
and life is a delusion. it is how intuitively good you are at deluding yourself.
this is where i constantly fail myself tremendously. the obstinate optimism is doing the talking. believe is a one way switch. if its on, its on. i do get quite amused at my die die ways.
today, all i can say is thank you for every colour you have embedded in my soul.
pore my heart open, hold me, hurt me, use me, teach me, grow in me and i will learn your ways. for there can only be regrets and longing. but never another time.
all that i want in life, is to be contented and truly happy.
get up and dance, get up and smile, to the days that are gone in the shortest while.
did i mention that i am ever grateful to all my friends that have so constantly spoil me with so much of their love and attention. you da bestest bestest, play with you when my exams end okie!
june flew @ 3:40 AM
Sunday, May 31, 2009
:)
southbank and all the lights that incites its beauty
grecco - one of my first love in melbourne, never forgetting the cheesecakes i've stolen with M during some insomniac escapade, can't help that crown is the only setting which is open 24/7 here.
B just bought me Big M strawberry milk and chips, he still remembers my fervent ways during swotvac. i'm doing this little chant to keep me going: "i need to up my performance and cover all my material before this weekend". i'm actually avoiding the library because of the swine flu. its not funny when exams are so close to contract anything like that. my last chance to more H1's!
Over 300 people have been diagnosed with swine flu in Australia, health authorities have confirmed. Ms Roxon says tracing people who have been diagnosed with the virus and those they have had contact with will no longer be an appropriate containment measure, if the numbers continue to rise.
my first pressie from R - thank youu for remembering and i thought that i had abandoned the friendship for the longest time.
i cannot wait for the replies from the universities. *prays* (pray for me too pleasee) i would be very very very very extremely disappointed if i couldn't get into any :(
HK recommends cass and imperial business school. i'll try to work on it but i think i'm alot more anxious about my finals, anyways i'm super happy for him for getting into cambridge for masters. what a dream come truee. grr application fees in pounds or usd, pappys gonna find out my little venture from the cc statements.
june flew @ 11:24 PM
Friday, May 29, 2009
pre-birthday dinner at crown
and i'm off to gooo
june flew @ 6:48 PM
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
SWINE
woo hooo ~ ena is coming to visit me after the exams. initially she was apprehensive because of the swine flu. but you see, the tickets are cheap because of swine anyways. i can safely say the least economics has taught me is: every thing has a freaking trade off. mommy has been telling me RM888 to go london, RETURN. polluting me ideas to meet her at HK for july and come back to melbourne for graduation. soo tempting. anyways she wanted to TT me some $$ for birthday, but i told her not to because its not worth it cause our banks are going to take AUD20 off that amount. i seriously can't believe i said that, its that subconscious moronic kiamsiap Math side of the brain talking. but i'm hoping when she does comes along in august, the amount would miraculously multiple with pappys. then i'll graciously refuse it cause i'm going to graduate and be "independent". they're just not aware of my latest extremely strong compulsion to pursue Masters yet, that's all.
ya, back to the swine, according to swen, it isn't the killer but what medics are just afraid is that, it was going to mutate with avian flu and become some super powerful disease and eliminate us all. she called it pandemic, i think. i just enjoy exaggerating her scientific terms. and frequently zone out before i get consumed by an angina pectoris.
and melissa said don't go to the library cause of the swine flu. i feel so bad now for laughing at it, i mean who would have thought human could contract pig's flu. and why do they use such an "atas" name for pigs. if i'm not mistaken the flu is called Tami and the virus is H1N1. these days, even the viruses (they have a plural form right?) are undergoing evolution. even they want us to keep up with them. whats with the fashion.
The development comes as the Federal Government confirms the number of swine flu cases in Australia has doubled to 61 in 24 hours, with 33 in Victoria, 18 in New South Wales, five in Queensland, three in South Australia and one each in Western Australia and the ACT.
today i drifted across class hazily. can't even remember what i penned down in lecture. like my mind was in its own world, doing this little mini-debate with itself. i often call this mindfck. which can do too much damage to yourself and others if not well regulated.
i just got to know today about a certain information that i did not previously already know. okay so i suspected it but i didn't want to pry so i let it be. my typical reaction without filtering it over my head would be "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME" but noo, i played it cool, gotta be politically correct with my ways, i contained it. yup, no worries. i came home yelling at someone else anyways.
grr, i feel so inadequate speaking so emotionally open, perhaps i just didn't want to seem so dramatic that it was all about me or feel so vulnerable to the fact that i am actually, affected by it. the main reason i'm upset is because i felt that everything could unwrap in so many others, less painstaking, honest ways where a friendship would have taken us that far. and if i've let you into my life, there should be some form of acceptable minimal expectations right.
and it got worse after swapping lectures. why did this info get to another person before we got to thoroughly talk it through? where is the loyalty that i would have expected. what am i suppose to say to this person. why so much pretense.
i hate asking why, only because it reminds me of so many people who ask me so many whys that i hate.
nothing was wrong, just that there were so many other forms of approach to diminish that question if articulated and communicated aptly.
june would like to thank lummy for her best efforts in hunting a good home for missy and to the sweet couple ven & ngaihou for their generosity of taking missy in. i promise she's a very good girl and she has a pretty pink home. please love her. take pics and send to me okiee, i love ya all.
june flew @ 4:05 PM
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
For all the wrongs you made right.
i am gonna suffer, i can feel it coming. my biological clock is out of order and i need to prepare for my tutorials and i have not studied at all today. but at the same time, im loving it, its fuelling the rebellious side of me that i have been attempting to discipline. which contradicts my evermore adage of living life to the fullest. sigh, where has all my leftist days gone to.
anyhoo, every library at uni is spammed up, can't believe how ppl start doing this only at week 12. and how baillieu only promotes this behaviour by shutting at 3am only beginning week 12. or having insufficient space for at least half of the university population.
sometimes i wish we could all take turns ya know. 50% of the population starts their day at 8 am then the other half starts at 8pm. see, no road rage in the mornings and tons of parking for everyone. whilst someone is unproductive, the other can counter it.
who's to say what evolution is going to turn us into anyways. imagine no paperback and ppl start praying to the Google God. trust me, ill market it in every way i can think of. even the ads on the girls toilet door work at uni. did i mention that the WC (water closet - Britains way) is getting traumatizing these days, i mean there was this chunk of faeces, outside the cubicle. i am telling you, it was literally outside at the basin where i was about to wash my hands. yup, don't bother asking the next question. i have no idea how it got there. and yes, i'm tryin my best here to still think of girls as pretty little pink dresses.
i came home for a nap, even after caffeine. keyword - nap, omg, can't remember the last time i had the luxury to do such a thing. mainly cause i couldn't sleep yesterday, there was this butterflies fluttering in my tummy cause it was gonna be the last week of uni. i have things mingling filling of happiness and etched sadness. i never knew i was this sentimental bt i guess i am. i like celebrations esp with loved ones and people who matter, i remember most of my firsts, significant events, burying my first hamster who died at the garden, using ah po's joss sticks, i mean technically she died due to unforeseen circumstances, not due to my incompetenceee.
reminded me of my childhood where i would be sooo excited that enaey was coming that i couldn't sleep, thinking bout all the things we could play together, but promptly regretting the next day and feel like strangling her cause she would be sucha cry baby hehe. and our cyclical relationship never failed to re-fuel us with all the love, amazing ya. well, she just decided she's gonna be my wedding planner, so sweet right.
hmm, i took a little more time to speak to my tutors today, its actually sad how i never bother to get to know them after they have helped me for 12 weeks. got some of them to be my referrals, e-mailed lecturers. got to know their aspirations as academics, their pursuit of this path. how the industry was like, what to expect and what not to. to think all these while, all that they did was teach. it was actually the least of their worries, they were more embedded with creativity issues (to propose the same problem on a daily basis with a revitalized approach), resources to further improve their thesis, to understand and the spread awareness of the GFC (global financial crisis). how many people do u know in life want to make the world a better place to live in, just cause the want to, no strings attached, raise yr hand. i like it, to pay attention to the disregarded, to see the beauty most ppl had missed.
and it all reminded me of the time i often took a cab home from late night work at singapore. the audit peak hour. and had insightful chats with the cabbies, from one who was going to pursue his long unfulfilled dream of pursuing his Masters (joker tried to market me his 27 yr old single son) to another who sells chicken rice by the day. i always feel that these ppl lack the recognition they deserve. we are all the same, just specialists of different sphere.
so far i've applied to London School of Economics, Manchester Business School, London School of Business and Finance, really want to work on the US applications but havent found this extended span of time like say 5 weeks in a row to just research on how to go about it. might do it in july, after the exams. weirdly. america never struck me as a place to pursue my studies bt i am so beaat to go for it now! even opening up ideas to Law or Political Theories or Media & Com, i want a degree that could build on my communication skills, to be more articulative and meticulous, to dare to speak and dream, to market on the right set of paraphernalia.
This is the only PRO of the GFS: that i'm not being over-conservative and shallow by thinking there is only one road to get where i want to. like i never thought very much about other things aside my studies. as if i allowed it to define me for the longest period of time. which would be about time that i take steps to furnish my own emotional rather than material needs.
many unanticipated events have just constantly moved me. shift me. like i'm crawling out of this shell and i'm forming a new shell that even if i wanted to wind back into the old shell it would no longer fit the new me. i never imagined id be at melbourne after A levels, never imagined how i'd meet so many good friends that i would be too sad to leave behind, how we are all so similar and different in so many ways.
i grew in love with melbourne without even realising it.
june is feeling alot more refreshed to get back to intense nerdying.
june flew @ 12:09 AM
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Weekend is here!
listening to BEP - Boom Boom Pow.
its the weekend already, and already excited about my very own project that will be passed on to me next week. Time just flew past me, its been 7 months with another 2 or 3 months depending, left before i continue my studies again. I'm starting to count the days, trying to savour every last bit of experience i have because it is most likely, i think, that i will move on to greener pastures after i grad haha. working has been really flexible, but after i've done A i wanna move on to B. i need something more challenging, something that takes me wayy beyond my limit and definitely something that i can lose sleep over. cause to me, thats when u know u're getting along somewhere to the top.
my dad has been making me so damn agitated about when im returning to classes, i do realise his worry that like many other i may just opt to drop everything but i feel that by now he should have realised i have my priorities damn straight. i have always known what im dealing with, i prepared myself for it and there was never once that i forgot what was it all about, although i must say there were a few moments here and there that i just wanted to let go.
i have been very disconnected with the world, although i try not to be so occupied. by the time i'm done its either exhaustion or hunger. i wanted to sign up for so many things gym, belly dancing, yoga etc etc but i just NEVER got around doing! i did everything made calls did my research checked out the place but somehow it slips my mind and when i DO remember its been startlight years already.
Missy should be camping over my house. once i figure out how to sneak her in and pretend that she has been best friends with Ah fook since long time ago. the raging hormones, we can deal with that later hahaaa!
its 10.30am and i STILL havent bathed. my day was supposed to start at 9am sighss and here i am blogging.
